Perfection in Imperfection

 "If I can't do it perfectly, it's not worth doing at all."

So many times I have fallen into this trap. And so many times it hurts me in the long run. From homework to living a healthy lifestyle, striving for perfection isn't necessarily wrong, but failing to be 'perfect' takes a toll. When I couldn't be perfect I would just stop trying. Lately, I've been working to be ok when I can't do something perfectly. 

Yoga

I've had an on-and-off relationship with yoga for nearly 5 years. I would strive for daily practice, but if I missed one day I would either stop or try to double up. In those cases, the stress of trying to make up the days I missed would cause me to fall even further behind until I had to give up. But all of that changes when I allow myself to not be perfect and give myself permission to just pick back up the next day. No make-up videos, just do the next one. And it's worked.

I started back at the end of October. I didn't commit to daily, just the mornings I had time. Sometimes the evening if hadn't had time in the morning and still wanted to. Initially, I was getting in 3 or 4 videos a week. And even though it wasn't a perfect daily practice, it was healthier for my physical AND mental health than the weeks when I did nothing. As I approached the end of December though, I did make a commitment to make it daily in preparation for January. Every year the Yoga With Adriene channel starts the year with a 30-day yoga challenge. I have started many of them but have completed few and never stayed daily. When the challenge came I mentally gave myself permission to have the goal of daily but not beat myself up if it didn't happen. Life can be unexpected and I knew I couldn't plan ahead for every situation. If a day came that I didn't have time or wasn't physically well enough, I wouldn't force myself or feel guilty. With the pressure off, not only did I do it daily, but I didn't miss doing it first thing every morning. This was a HUGE accomplishment and I am really proud of myself. 

Now that the challenge is over I would still like to stay close to daily but give myself permission to not. I won't always have time Sunday morning or maybe I'll have early appointments during the week. Missing one or two days a week is no big deal. I will admit that enjoying how I feel physically and mentally each morning does make it easier to show up the next day on the mat.

Read the Bible in a Year

Yearlong Bible plans are hard. Many of the reading plans start in Genesis which is fine but when I get to Numbers and other long lists it can become very tedious and can make it hard for me to stay engaged. And if I got behind then I wouldn't finish in a year. If I didn't finish in a year then I failed at reading the Bible in a year because it took longer than a year. 

My first step to allowing imperfection was not starting at the beginning of the year. I could start it any time and it would take away the pressure of being a new year's resolution. But it didn't take away the fact that some parts of the Bible can be really tedious to get through. Plus, having ADHD made it a little harder to follow through because I couldn't get my brain to engage and focus if it wasn't interested. 

The solution to this problem came when I was in college and someone introduced me to a reading plan that rotates through different parts of the Bible each day. But it did specifically match it with days of the week. 

Sunday - Epistles 

Monday - The Law

Tuesday - History

Wednesday - Psalms 

Thursday - Poetry

Friday - Prophecy 

Saturday - Gospels 

The different topics were perfect for me and I really like this plan. Except......if I do miss a day then I HAVE TO catch up on the previous day and do that day's so that I don't mess up the day alignment. 

So I have tried to do this plan many times, have printed it off multiple times, have uncovered printed copies long-forgotten slipped into bibles. But it seems I've only ever made it a month or so in before giving up. But I am stubborn and determined to do this and really want to make this plan work. So once again I started through it. I even assigned each day its own color to use when I check the box. And for a few weeks, I didn't miss a day. Plus the rainbow boxes looked so pretty! Then one night it was late and my brain had checked out. I wasn't sure I could do it. 

I think I was supposed to be reading Joshua and it was a long list of who they had conquered or how inheritance was divided. Whatever it was, it was a list with lots of names and places. I knew that I would get nothing from trying to read it because I wouldn't actually be receptive to the words. So that night I allowed myself to do something that has changed the whole experience. 

I didn't read from Joshua. 

I skipped to the next section in Psalms. I love reading Psalms and the other books of poetry in the Bible. Poetry connects deeply with me and isn't as hard to get my brain to focus on. 

This meant that I still read the Bible and I was engaged while reading. It gave me permission to pick which section I wanted to read from if I was having a harder time focusing. The pressure to not miss any days was gone because I was no longer forced to stay on track with each day of the week. 

Stepping back, yes the reality is that it will take me longer than 365 days to finish this reading plan. I've already missed more days than I would like. But I'm still doing it. Yes, I am "breaking the rules" of the reading plan I chose. Still, by allowing myself to approach it this way, I can guarantee that I will stick with this plan much longer than I have been able to before and may actually complete it! It won't feel like a huge chore that I can't keep up with. I have set limits that work for me and my brain while still accomplishing something important to me. It's imperfect, but I think it is the perfect solution for me. 

I've also seen this affect how I use my planner, but I want to go into more detail on that in another post. 

Sometimes the imperfect solution is the best one. It's helped me be in a better spot with my mental health. Being a perfectionist has hurt me far too many times. Finding small ways to let go of being perfect makes it easier to focus on the world around me.